Calum O’Connell

is it vegan to eat cum?

look—a soyboy boytoy
who lentils you up, 
his wholegrain duty; 

just this once, 
give him oats & agave
so he can break this fast. 

he mylks you almonds,
bolstered with water—
enough to fill a carton. 

(don't you know? 
it's still a bit nicer 
than the real stuff.) 

look—a high-fibre insider
whose salvaged species
porridged his own; 

just this once, 
let him have his beans &
then shit them away. 

he cheezes the uncheesable:
it's something of a delicacy,
so, yes, he'll take it. 

(don't you know? 
if you're gonna cook tofu,
at least dry it out first.)