Julie Chen

Luxxii 2 Pack - Stainless Steel Ear Spoon Portable Double-Ended Ear Pick Earwax Cleaning Tools Removal Ear Cleaner Spoon Spiral Ear Clean Tool

in my mom’s bathroom drawer
she keeps

a tiny 
asian spoon
that i dig into my

ear
ear
ear

ear

ear
ear
ear

they say not to put things in the ear 
which naturally cleans itself like an oven, 
or a vagina, plus you never recover from hearing loss
but maybe asian earwax is crumblier than western earwax?
maybe my ears are different from everyone else’s?
stop trying to diagnose yourself, my penultimate therapist said
but i feel safe on subreddits, in the names i invent for myself 
in my artificial technologies & mythological madness 
girls_gone_wireless & 123Pisces & me 
take vitamins and log symptoms onto white screens
which are in fact every color combined

in fact all perception is a lie!

i used to lie my head on my mom’s lap
while she spooned my twin ears, collecting
constellations of golden piles
on napkins pocketed from dollar meals

i was ear spoon, too, 
in utero

so why can’t i spoon myself
into the morning sun?